


The Hub Got Run Over by a Reindeer

by jantotrash



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Decorations, Does a reindeer count as an original character?, Original Character? - Freeform, Reindeer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 16:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8923780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jantotrash/pseuds/jantotrash
Summary: To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what this is.  Jack is bad at decorating, and there's reindeer antics.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For avaantares on Tumblr for the we-are-torchwood holiday exchange!

Ianto strode into the tourist area and was met with a barrage of lights. He swore.

"For *&%$'s sake, Jack! It's only November third!" he muttered under his breath. Fairy lights twinkled around the whole office and a large amount of Santa figurines were placed on every available surface. Where did Jack keep these for ten months of the year? Ianto sighed and entered the main hub.

Not even the mess of the tourist area could've prepared Ianto for what Jack had done to the hub. Anything that could possibly have fairy lights on it had some, and every single string was flashing different colors. There were Santa hats scattered on the desks and tables. A massive herd of fake reindeer had appeared, and the water was glowing red and green. An unholy amount of small Christmas trees were placed in very strange locations. It looked like Jack had gotten incredibly drunk, thrown Christmas memorabilia around, and then passed out.

"JACK!" Ianto shouted. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE HUB?!" He attempted to find a path through the fake reindeer.

"Down here!" Jack's voice rose from the cells. Ianto considered for a moment and decided to walk through the reindeer without trying to find a careful path. Fake reindeer did not have feelings, and he'd make Jack clean them up anyway.

Ianto walked into the cells and found Jack with a reindeer. A live one.

Ianto stared into Jack's eyes. "Jack," he said while maintaining a calm exterior, "why is there a reindeer here?"

Jack grinned while attempting to wrangle the reindeer, which was struggling against him. He clearly did not know the wrath that Ianto would be bestowing upon him shortly. "I thought Janet and Myfawny would like a friend!" Janet chose this time to let out a blood-curdling scream, which caused the reindeer to shake its head so violently that it broke free from Jack. It thundered into the main hub, resulting in several loud crashes. Ianto stared wide-eyed at Jack.

"I thought we could name it Fred." Jack said before they rushed up to the main hub. Fred the reindeer was running everywhere, knocking over most of the absurd amount of fake reindeer and breaking several strings of lights. Myfawny was screeching above and making threatening moves toward Fred.

Despite Ianto's fury, he realized that he could only wrangle Fred the reindeer with Jack's help.

"Tourist booth?" He asked, and Jack nodded. Trying to keep the reindeer on the invisible lift for long enough would be too much of a challenge, especially since it would make it easier for Myfawny to take a bite out of Fred. They waited for the reindeer to run toward the kitchenette, which would be the easiest place to capture it.

When Fred conveniently ran into the area, both men ran over to corner it. Ianto attempted to grab its bridle, and succeeded. Meanwhile, Jack unnecessarily jumped onto the reindeer's back. The reindeer bucked Jack off, who promptly smashed into Ianto's coffee maker. Thankfully, Ianto still had a hold on the reindeer and escorted it to the tourist area, where it'd be safe from weevils, pterodactyls, and Jack Harkness. After tying the reindeer to the desk, Ianto quickly scrawled a note to put on the outer door that read, "Pest infestation. Please use other entrance." Hopefully that'd deter and confuse tourists and prompt his coworkers to use the invisible lift. He double-bolted the door, just in case.

Ianto stepped out into the main hub. He surveyed the damage, which was considerably extensive. Myfawny was still flying around, but was starting to settle down after the ruckus. Ianto turned to Jack, who was looking very guilty.

"I'm sorry." Jack said. Ianto stared at him.

"Where did you get the reindeer?" He said in a flat tone.

"The zoo."

"You took. A reindeer. From the zoo."

"Yes?"

"Did you, by any chance, ask the zookeepers first?"

"No."

"Oh my god, Jack. You just took a reindeer? What made you think that that was a good idea?! For that matter, what is with all of the tacky Christmas décor? Where in the world did you keep the herd of fake reindeer? When did you do all of this?!"

Jack concentrated. "Yes, myself, I liked it, in a storage facility, last night."

"Well, you, yourself, are going to be cleaning it up. I will be returning the reindeer." Ianto stormed out, but turned before he left.

"And I'd better be receiving a new coffee maker or someone is going to die today," Ianto said, retreating to deal with the reindeer.

Jack put his hands on his hips and sighed amidst background reindeer noises. He had some work to do.

\--

Ianto returned to the hub after a particularly stressful run-in with several zookeepers. Ianto assured them that he'd simply run into the reindeer wandering the streets and assumed that it belonged here. No, it didn't cause any damage. Yes, the car is fine. Yes, it's probably quite hungry. No, no compensation needed. No, I don't know how it escaped. Yes, it sure seems like it was stolen, but I didn't do it.

He tore off the sign on the door and slammed it behind him. He was mad. Specifically, he was mad at Jack. The incredibly questionable design choices were bad enough, but then he had to spend three hours convincing the zoo staff that he did not steal the reindeer and that his possessions were fine, although technically neither of these statements were completely true. Plus, he'd almost have to cut a hole in the door because Fred nearly didn't fit through it. Ianto had absolutely no idea how Jack had initially brought in Fred.

Jack had clearly not gotten to the tourist area, as it was still trashed from the reindeer and Jack's decorating spree. Ianto hoped for Jack's sake that he had made considerable progress in the hub. Ianto was not kidding about death. That coffee maker was the best he'd ever had.

When Ianto walked in, he was pleasantly surprised. For one, Jack had managed to find a copy of his coffee machine, but its powers would have to be tested. Also, Gwen and Tosh had clearly helped Jack redecorate, as the hub looked far better. Still tacky, but bearable.

Jack suddenly appeared by him. "Do you like it? Is it better? I'm sorry."

Ianto sighed. He was still quite mad at Jack, but he had done an acceptable job in three to four hours.

"It is better. Not perfect, but better." Jack sighed in relief. "However," Jack straightened up again. "We'll have to test the new machine with decaf for a week or so."

Jack groaned. "You and I both know that's not necessary." Ianto raised his eyebrows at Jack.

"Could I bribe you?" Jack said, moving closer to Ianto.

"Save it, Jack. I just had to return a reindeer. Bribes will not work." Ianto went to make coffee. Of course, only Jack needed decaf. He wouldn't punish himself or his coworkers.

Well, maybe he'd pretend to be bribed. Jack's bribes were very fun. And, of course, Ianto didn't have to accept the bribe after it'd been provided. Ianto couldn't help himself; he smiled. This was going to be a good week.


End file.
